I’d planned to write a post this week with featuring websites where you can find out more about Aikido. But, because of something that has happened to someone close to me, I changed my mind. I’m going to write a post about how people bully others by spreading rumors about them. I’m also going to tell you some of the plot to My Sister, the Traitor that I had not planned on revealing before the book comes out. I’m doing this because the message is important.
In My Sister, the Traitor, Max becomes jealous of Mrs. W’s German nephew, Axel. To Max, Axel is ruining his life – at home, with Mrs. W, and at the dojo. Max hates the way everyone who meets Axel thinks he’s so smart, strong, able to do anything. So, Max decides to make people, including his sister who has a crush on Axel, believe that Axel isn’t as great as he appears to be. He gets a friend to help, and spreads rumors about Axel. It’s not hard to do because once people hear the rumors, they repeat them as the truth. And, rumors spread like wild-fire, especially on social media. Max’s plan works. People begin to dislike and mistrust Axel. Unfortunately, Max’s plan has disastrous consequences that affect many people.
Spreading rumors about someone is a form of bullying. A rumor is is based on doubtful truth. If you look in a dictionary or thesaurus, you’ll find that synonyms for “rumor” are gossip, hearsay, and speculation. The important thing is that “true” or “fact” isn’t part of that definition. The reason rumors are harmful is that each time someone repeats one, it gains power and begins to feel more true, even though it is not. The fact that lots of people have heard the same rumor sometimes makes people believe even more that it must be true.
Having rumors spread about you based on things that are not true hurts as bad as being beat up. It hurts especially when the people who start the rumors are people who you trusted and depended on. It hurts deep in your stomach, a knotty, twisty kind of hurt that makes it hard to concentrate. It makes you want to cry, but you don’t feel any better after you do. It causes you to feel like you can’t trust anyone ever again, that everyone is staring at you, talking about you behind your back. You feel sad and alone at home but you feel uncomfortable when you go out. You know the rumors are very unfair and that if people knew your side of the story they would understand, but you cannot make that happen. Each time the rumor gets repeated, it gets harder for people to care about your side of the story. It feels as if you are in a deep hole and each repetition of the rumor is a shovelful of dirt raining down on your head. You want to defend yourself, tell the truth, get your story out there, but you can’t. The feeling of unfairness, of injustice, makes you want to scream. You feel angry, hurt, betrayed, lost.
Max learns how harmful rumors are and he works hard to make up for the damage he’s caused. But, many people never learn that. If you hear a rumor, please do two things. First, question it. Don’t assume that it is the truth and don’t assume that it is the complete story. Second, don’t spread it. If it’s not the truth, spreading a rumor spreads the damage. A rumor is very hard to root out once it has taken hold.
We all get mad at people, even at friends or family. But saying things that aren’t true about them isn’t the way to deal with that anger. Spreading rumors is just as much a form of bullying as hitting someone and the damage may be even more long-lasting.
Fortunately, Max has people around him who help him work his way out of his predicament. And, he has the practice of Aikido, which has teaches him the value of community, coöperation, and peaceful resolution of conflicts. If you find yourself wanting to say bad things about someone because you are angry, stop and think for a second, and then try to find another way to work through your anger. You may think that rumors don’t hurt because they are only words. But, anyone who has been the victim of rumors can tell you the damage is painfully real.
My Neighbor, the Spy 